A crash course in self-care.

Yes, yes, yes, I thought to myself during the last few weeks of classes, I've heard this lecture of self-care a hundred -- no, probably a few hundred times -- since I decided to go into social work.  Just give it a break already, for the love of God!

Fast-forward about three months, to early July.  I had been working with clients for a few weeks, and had not been making time for myself.  I was exhausted, and cranky, and overall a frustrated wreck.

"Hey," I said to myself, one afternoon while I was driving back from a frustrating session with a client, "I haven't been doing any of that self-care stuff that we talked about in grad school."

I'd love to say that when I realized this, there were cheers all around... or that a triumphant march was playing... or perhaps just a slight POP as a lightbulb blinked on over my head.

But nope.  None of that.

(And honestly, that's okay.  I'd rather not hallucinate if I can avoid it.)

However, when I brought this up to my husband, he told me that I need to start making time for me.  And when I talked with a close friend who also graduated with me and is working in a similar job, she told me the same thing.  As did other people I talked with -- both "in real life" friends and friends online.

So... what have I done since then to take care of myself?

• I journal.  Frequently.  Not on here (obviously), since this is not a journal (duh).
• I write things.  Sometimes on here or other blogs of mine.  Sometimes transcripts for things I want to record.
• I've tried my hand at making videos.  Kinda want to try that some more.
• I've starting making things from scratch (iced tea, pulled pork, and pound cake are the most recent things... so yummy).
• My husband and I have gone on a picnic and after we ate, we played a game of catch.  Having fun -- childlike fun -- is amazing.
• I've been working on some piano pieces that I love and want to improve.
• I try to have coffee dates regularly with people who understand the stressors and frustrations (and joys and privileges) of being a social worker.

I hope to be adding to this list soon.

What about you?  What have you been doing to take care of yourself -- to treat yourself -- lately?

Anger: the struggle is real.

I've been busy lately -- so I really haven't had the chance to post in here.  I've started a job as a therapist at the same agency where I interned for the last 7 months of grad school, and although I feel like I have a slight step up from the new hires who haven't interned there, I still have so much to learn (mostly about paperwork and related deadlines).  Anyway.

So today's topic: anger.  I've been struggling a lot with anger lately, and I figured -- why not write about it?  I know it's something that a lot of people struggle with.  In our society, anger is viewed as "bad," as "unsafe," as "destructive."  Although I was brought up to believe in those things -- especially the first statement, that anger is bad -- I'm actively working to teach myself that it is okay to be angry.  That sometimes anger can even be justified.  And even when it's not the "right" or "best" response, that doesn't mean it's automatically a bad thing.

For me, when I feel overwhelming emotion, I feel like I need to get it moving.  Emotion literally means "energy in motion" (from the Latin emovere; e- is a variant of ex-, which means "out," and movere means "move").  So it makes total sense to me that strong emotions -- especially if they're not necessarily "happy" emotions -- require movement to dissipate.  For me, the two emotions that require movement in particular are anger -- and anxiety.

So, okay, you hear about people doing things that seem aggressive -- like using a punching bag -- when they're angry.  While that is a good way to get the anger moving (and has worked for me in the past), I have learned that even if my anger is initially directed at someone or something, I need to avoid visualizing harming that someone/something when releasing my anger into that punching bag.  If not, then the anger can turn into rage.  And yes, anger and rage are different.  Rage is what is harmful, destructive, and once it starts it is much harder to stop.

For anger, I haven't yet figured out something that I can do, regularly, that channels it in a safe, non-rageful direction.  I'd love if I had a punching bag to practice the various kicks and punches that I learned in karate years ago.  It would be amazing if I were a runner and had enough stamina to run a mile or two on a treadmill or a track.  I've thought about downloading an audio book and scheduling regular walks/jogs into my life.  Or maybe angry music, since if I listen to something that "promotes" that feeling in my body, it's easier for me to get that emotion moving out of my brain, and out of my body.

I've thought, too, about doing something that requires focus and control.  Things that come to mind are things like the katas that I learned from karate -- specific patterns of stance, movement, breath, and holding your body.  Helping my body remember the ballet I took years ago.  Doing difficult yoga poses (along the lines of Bikram yoga -- physically and mentally challenging).

What are some things that you have done to move anger (or other overwhelming emotions) through your body?  What are some of the emotions that you struggle with the most?  What do they feel like in your body, and what type of motion/movement do you think you need to help that angry energy leave your body?

For me, anger feels like my entire body is filled with a seething ocean of lava.  I don't necessarily physically feel the heat of the lava, but I can feel the anger in my arms, in my chest and heart space, in my back and shoulders.  It feels like I am unable to contain it, and that it will explode out of me -- whether in an appropriate manner of expressing it, such as through physically taxing motion -- or inappropriate, where I may feel like screaming or yelling.  Often I (try to) quash the anger down -- but that just causes tension in my body.  The muscles around my upper back and shoulders take the brunt of it.  Additionally, it taxes my body physically -- often if I am not expressing overwhelming emotions appropriately, then I'll experience flare-ups of autoimmune problems and will be physically unwell for a time until I've managed to calm myself down and destress.

So yes, dealing with anger is going to be an ongoing project of mine.  Feel free to share if you have any suggestions or ideas that you'd like to add!