It strikes me as rather oddly humorous (and ironic) that although creative endeavors are so important to me -- and such a very intrinsic part of who I am as a human being -- I still have the ability (and additionally, sometimes the desire) to bury that part of myself, to ignore it, to flee from it.
Why is this? Why do I feel the need to disguise my creativity?
For example, although I don't consider myself to be a musician, per se, I've been classically trained on piano, violin, and viola. I started taking piano lessons 21 years ago... and I haven't looked back since. After I had played piano for some 3 years, I asked my parents if I could add violin. I don't really remember why I wanted to play violin so badly, but although piano was enjoyable, I fell in love with my violin. Then, when I was 12 and had been playing violin for 3 years or so, my violin teacher (who happens to be a violist who also knows violin) was selling her old viola... and I jumped on that and asked my parents if I could add viola lessons to my ever-growing list of instrument lessons. They agreed, and so I began to learn viola.
Now, 15 years later, not only do I own a performance violin (which is different from a student violin in that performance violins are crafted with much more care), but I own my violin teacher's old viola. I also have a keyboard here in the apartment (although it really is nowhere near a replacement for a piano... I'd much rather have a piano, but no room and also no money for that right now). Additionally, in the past 5 years, I've also accumulated a gorgeous cello with the intent to either teach myself (which I believe I could do to a point) and a relatively cheap guitar.
I've also taught music lessons for the past 12 years. Man, that makes me sound older than I am... ah well. I've taught violin to kids and adults of all ages, and there was a brief stint where I also taught piano. I love teaching, I love the "lightbulb moments" where I can see a technique suddenly make sense to a student, I love watching my students grow and become more confident violinists.
But in the past 3 years, especially, I have let the musical part of myself slide. I haven't played my instruments as much as I used to... I haven't advertised for more students... I haven't sought out fellow musicians to "talk shop" with.
I miss that.
My husband, as awesome of a guy as he is, just isn't creative. At least, not in the typical sense. I'm a musician (let's face it -- I might not be professional, but I think I can finally claim that title), I'm a wannabe writer, I'm a blogger, and I love doing artistic things like sketching (although for that, I have not ever had lessons so there is no pressure to be perfect!). I also have a goal of getting back into dancing -- I took ballet lessons for 8 years when I was younger, and even though I might not be able to do ballet again, I want to feel present in my body and be able to do expressive dance or jazz or something like that.
Why am I writing about this on a social work blog, though?
Because creativity helps. Not just through art therapy or music therapy or movement therapy -- but for the therapist, for the social worker, to tap into his or her creative side... that is so very important.
I'm not talking about using it on the job, necessarily, although people have suggested that I find a way to incorporate my love of music and writing into my job.
I'm talking about using it, if you will, as a set of coping skills. For you, the therapist.
I always feel better after I write a journal or blog entry. Writing has a way of soothing me in a way that nothing else does. I have also written fiction and poetry, but journaling/blogging about "real-time" occurrences is easier for me, usually.
Sketching is good for when I want to do something creative but don't want to feel as though I must be perfect. It takes me perhaps 15-20 minutes to do a rough sketch of a photo, and sure, it won't be wonderful and amazing, but it's creative and it's fun and it's my way of connecting to my inner artist when I don't have time to pull out my instruments or sit down and write some fiction/poetry.
Music -- recently, I downloaded Audacity, which is free audio recording software. I've been playing around with it -- although I've never had voice lessons, it's been interesting to record myself singing and to learn from what I hear on the recorded tracks. I sound a hell of a lot better than I thought I did, but there is definitely room for improvement. Although I only record myself singing when I'm alone, and I don't really have any desire to share anything I've recorded until I can clean them up a little bit (i.e., learn how to use more than just the "record," "pause," and "play" buttons on Audacity), it's still an outlet for me.
Dance -- it is hard for me to feel okay being in my body sometimes, but over the past few months, I've been experimenting when I am home alone with expressive dance. That probably sounds silly, and I would be mortified if anyone ever saw me, but it's almost a relief to do something like that. To let me express emotions that are otherwise pent up inside, with movement and connection to the music... I don't know how to explain it. It's just relaxing, even though at the same time, I know I'm not a wonderfully gifted dancer.
So -- what are some of your creative outlets? Have you caught yourself running from allowing yourself to be creative, or do you set aside time every day to be creative?
Cheers!
~Addison.
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