...Where did the time go?!

The past few days, I have been thinking about how it feels like I began my three-year stint in grad school just yesterday.  But at the same time, I know that the me of 2012 is not the me of 2015.  I've changed so much, and I would say mostly for the better.  These changes range from me knowing and understanding myself better, both personally and professionally, to being more self-confident, to being more analytical about various situations -- and so many more changes.  I couldn't list them all here.

But really, although I've changed and grown and matured a lot, the core of who I am is still there.

Three years.  When I started, it felt like it was going to be an eternity until I graduated... but here we are.  I will be done with classes in 10 days.  Graduation is two weeks after I finish classes.  I've completed my internship.  The only things I have left to do for school are a final exam and one last paper.

10 semesters (counting summer as 2 semesters) with a total of 16 classes.

240 hours of weekday night classes (not counting summer classes).
336 hours of Saturday classes (not counting summer classes).
500 hours of foundation field placement (fall '13 - spring '14).
600 hours of advanced field placement (fall '14 - spring '15).
Total: 1676 hours spent in classes and at my internship. *

* This does not count any time spent outside of classes -- doing homework, readings, assignments, etc.

In 3 years, there are 26,208 hours (assuming an even 52 weeks per year and 16 weeks per semester).
15% of all of the hours since fall 2012 have been spent either in class or at field placement (not counting summer classes, though).

And now... having almost made it through grad school... I sit here, with only 240 hours left until classes are over... wondering where the time has gone.

But even though time has inexplicably whizzed by... I've learned so much.

I've learned that it's okay to be self-confident.

I've learned that personal experience can trump book-learned knowledge.

I've learned that I don't need to be ashamed of my past.

I've learned that doing therapy is so much easier than it initially seems.**  Yes, a lot of thought goes into the process... but it comes more and more naturally, the more I do it.

** To me, the biggest hurdle that I will face in being a therapist is getting to know the client.  So much of what interventions will work and what won't are dependent upon knowing your client.  But really, therapy is talking.  Sometimes I get stuck... and that's okay.  Even the most experienced therapists get stuck.  And by stating that doing therapy is easier than I initially thought it was -- that is, by no means, me saying that I am not anxious about being a therapist!  I am quite anxious about it... but I think I will be okay.

And I've also learned that it's okay that I'm not who I was before.  In fact, I'd be worried if grad school did not change me at all.  Granted, not all of the change I've experienced has been due to grad school.  There have been a lot of personal struggles that I have either conquered or coped with in the three years I've spent as a grad student.  These, too, have taught me a lot.

Life isn't always easy.  In fact, it rarely ever is easy.  But that's okay.  I've come to accept that.  Yes, I'll mope and pout sometimes now if I'm frustrated by how unfair life is.  I am not perfect.  I'll still grumble and groan when problems happen -- especially if they're problems that I have little to no control over.

But in the end?... I'll face the situation and deal with it.  Whatever that may look like.  I will take the best route possible -- I won't always be right, I'll still make mistakes, but another thing I've learned in grad school is that it is okay to be human.  As a therapist, I won't be able to fix the world.  I won't be Superwoman.  I won't stop wars and famine, drought and abuse, depression and pollution from happening with a wave of my hand.

But that's okay.  Because I can make change in small ways.  I already have begun.  In the 26,208 hours that have passed since I enrolled in grad school, I've made small changes.  Sometimes infinitesimally small changes.  Yet... change has happened.

And in 240 hours, I will be done with grad school forever until 2038... which is when I'll make the decision about getting my second Master's degree. (Pssh, I've been in higher ed for 11 years.  I can't tell myself that I'm done with school forever and be realistic at the same time!)

Onward and upward, my friends...
~ Addison.